I was listening to a Don Henley song the other day. "I was either standing in your shadow, or blocking your light." he sang. It got me thinking about my marriage. It got me thinking about how, when I was in a marriage that wasn't working, all I felt was that everywhere I went, I was in the wrong place. Everything I did and everywhere I turned felt unnatural, dishonest, wrong. It got me thinking that, while getting divorced was one of the hardest decisions I ever made, it was also one of the most honest.
Last week was my 5 year divorce-iversary. 5 years ago it was official. I was divorced. I was devastated, but I was also free. I was free to make decisions as I saw fit. I was free to be on my own and, as scary as that was, it was also liberating; made me feel giddy, made me feel lighter, made me feel open and honest and true. Getting divorced allowed me to be on my own and stand on my own two feet and live life on my terms.
Deciding to get divorced is not easy, but sometimes it is the right decision. Sometimes ending your marriage lets you decide to choose yourself and your own life and your own possibilities. Sometimes getting divorced gives you freedom you didn't know you had, didn't know you were missing, didn't know existed. Sometimes getting divorced, as hard as it is to get through and get over, allows you shine. And because I didn't want to stand in anyone's shadows, and because I didn't want to block anyone's light, and because I wanted the sun to shine upon me and because I wanted to get out from the darkness, I made a decision. A decision to move on, a decision to try again, a decision to accept the failure of my marriage, a decision to accept the decisions I made in the past but not be bound by them, a decision to choose myself and my future.
Getting divorced wasn't easy. It changed the course of my life and the lives of my children. But sometimes veering off course is exactly what we need to get our strength back. Sometimes veering off course means finding our way back to ourselves and our spirit. Sometimes veering off course puts us exactly where we need to be. Sometimes veering off course allows us to see clearly, to see what we couldn't see while we were in someone else's shadow. Sometimes veering off course is the scariest decision we'll ever make, and the best.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Deciding to divorce
For someone contemplating divorce, there comes a time when you have to decide when the right time is to pull the trigger and ask for a divorce. In most cases that decision does not come easily. We want to give our spouses the benefit of the doubt. We want to reassure ourselves that we are not making a mistake that we can't undo, we want to be sure, to the very best we can, that we are making the right decision.
So when is enough, enough? When is it time to say "when" and make that time now and tell your spouse you want out of the marriage? Usually a conversation is had, some amount of time passes, and then... you try again. You try therapy and you try to be nicer and you try to be more considerate and affectionate and appreciative. You try and your spouse tries and no matter how long you try- a day or a month or ten years- usually, if you had reached your breaking point, the marriage will break. There is the rare occasion when marriage counseling works, when time spent apart brings a couple together, but I would be lying if I told you that was the norm. I would be lying if I told you that once that initial decision to leave is made that can be undone. I would be lying if I gave you hope that once one partner has left the marriage that the marriage can be repaired.
But I will say that it is worth trying to repair. And I will say that therapy is worth it and a trial separation is worth it, and trying the best you can to repair the damage is worth it. It may not work in the end and you may still wind up getting divorced, but you will have tried. And there is something to be said for that. There is something to be said for taking a vow to love someone until death parts you and promising to love someone through thick and thin and meaning it and believing it and loving someone so much you want to spend your life with them. And that promise and that vow and that love deserves you trying to make it work.
And you deserve to know that you gave it all you could, even if it didn't work. You deserve to know that you tried your best to help the other person understand your side, and understand your pain, and understand your decision. And they can believe it or not. And they can blame you or blame themselves or blame their family or their job. They can blame whomever and whatever they need to blame for their sadness at a marriage that is broken. But in the end, a broken marriage should be ended. A marriage no longer based on true love and respect and honesty is not holy matrimony. A marriage no longer looked to for comfort and guidance and stability, a marriage no longer a place of safety, a marriage no longer the platform for your dreams to take flight and your groundedness to take hold, is not a marriage at all.
And we all deserve to be loved. We all deserve the chance to find the person we want to see at the end of each and every day. It will not be easy all of the time, but it will be true. We all deserve to have someone who sees the best in us, who believes in us, who is our partner in love and in life. Marriage is not perfect, life is not either, but we should all understand that a marriage failed is not a failure of our life. It is not a failure of our soul and our being to call an end to a relationship that drains us more than fulfills us. And maybe, in calling an end to a marriage that is not working, we can save ourselves, and our spouses from further pain. And maybe, in deciding that the marriage is over, we are offering ourselves and our spouses the opportunity to find the love we all want. And maybe, in asking for a divorce, we are setting ourselves and our spouses free.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
So when is enough, enough? When is it time to say "when" and make that time now and tell your spouse you want out of the marriage? Usually a conversation is had, some amount of time passes, and then... you try again. You try therapy and you try to be nicer and you try to be more considerate and affectionate and appreciative. You try and your spouse tries and no matter how long you try- a day or a month or ten years- usually, if you had reached your breaking point, the marriage will break. There is the rare occasion when marriage counseling works, when time spent apart brings a couple together, but I would be lying if I told you that was the norm. I would be lying if I told you that once that initial decision to leave is made that can be undone. I would be lying if I gave you hope that once one partner has left the marriage that the marriage can be repaired.
But I will say that it is worth trying to repair. And I will say that therapy is worth it and a trial separation is worth it, and trying the best you can to repair the damage is worth it. It may not work in the end and you may still wind up getting divorced, but you will have tried. And there is something to be said for that. There is something to be said for taking a vow to love someone until death parts you and promising to love someone through thick and thin and meaning it and believing it and loving someone so much you want to spend your life with them. And that promise and that vow and that love deserves you trying to make it work.
And you deserve to know that you gave it all you could, even if it didn't work. You deserve to know that you tried your best to help the other person understand your side, and understand your pain, and understand your decision. And they can believe it or not. And they can blame you or blame themselves or blame their family or their job. They can blame whomever and whatever they need to blame for their sadness at a marriage that is broken. But in the end, a broken marriage should be ended. A marriage no longer based on true love and respect and honesty is not holy matrimony. A marriage no longer looked to for comfort and guidance and stability, a marriage no longer a place of safety, a marriage no longer the platform for your dreams to take flight and your groundedness to take hold, is not a marriage at all.
And we all deserve to be loved. We all deserve the chance to find the person we want to see at the end of each and every day. It will not be easy all of the time, but it will be true. We all deserve to have someone who sees the best in us, who believes in us, who is our partner in love and in life. Marriage is not perfect, life is not either, but we should all understand that a marriage failed is not a failure of our life. It is not a failure of our soul and our being to call an end to a relationship that drains us more than fulfills us. And maybe, in calling an end to a marriage that is not working, we can save ourselves, and our spouses from further pain. And maybe, in deciding that the marriage is over, we are offering ourselves and our spouses the opportunity to find the love we all want. And maybe, in asking for a divorce, we are setting ourselves and our spouses free.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Relief
I like being a divorce attorney. I really do. Every day I get to help people through a really challenging part of their lives. Every day I get to see people who seem to be hobbled by what life is bringing them and I get to help them back onto their feet. I get to take people who have had enough, who can't take it anymore, who will no longer settle for mediocrity or less than mediocrity in their relationships, take their lives in their hands and step out of their comfort zone and get ready to face the world again.
It can be a relief to acknowledge that the relationship is over. It can be a relief to tell the other person that it's time to move on, it's time to call the game, it's time to divorce. It's a feeling of freedom, it's a weight lifted off your shoulders, it's an acceptance of what is. And yet, with that relief, that sense of giddiness and hope for the future, is also a sense of sadness.
It's one of the paradoxes of my job that getting divorced is both happy and sad- usually equally. It's a wonderful feeling to have a sense of a new lease on life when you feel that you have been brought down by a relationship that was supposed to lift you up. But there's that sense of angst that a love once had, once held with such promise, once cherished so much that you took a vow before God, once felt with conviction and compassion, once held with both hands tightly, arms wrapped around each other, hoping that embrace would never end- all of that is gone. That sense of wanting no one else but the person who stood before you, that sense of knowing that someone understood you, saw you for who you are and loved you because of and in spite of all of of it- all of those feelings have left. There's sadness there.
And it's ok to admit that. It's ok both to feel that sense of wonder at what the future will bring, to open your breath and exhale, to become light-headed at all of the possibilities that freedom brings. It's also ok to admit that the loss of this relationship, the loss of this marriage, the loss of the hope you once held for that person is painful, physically even, in your chest and in your soul. It's ok to feel all of these things, and none of them. All together or one at a time. It's all ok. Because it's all true and it's all yours and it's your life. To take it today and strive for tomorrow. To make due with what you have and to make it better the next day.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
It can be a relief to acknowledge that the relationship is over. It can be a relief to tell the other person that it's time to move on, it's time to call the game, it's time to divorce. It's a feeling of freedom, it's a weight lifted off your shoulders, it's an acceptance of what is. And yet, with that relief, that sense of giddiness and hope for the future, is also a sense of sadness.
It's one of the paradoxes of my job that getting divorced is both happy and sad- usually equally. It's a wonderful feeling to have a sense of a new lease on life when you feel that you have been brought down by a relationship that was supposed to lift you up. But there's that sense of angst that a love once had, once held with such promise, once cherished so much that you took a vow before God, once felt with conviction and compassion, once held with both hands tightly, arms wrapped around each other, hoping that embrace would never end- all of that is gone. That sense of wanting no one else but the person who stood before you, that sense of knowing that someone understood you, saw you for who you are and loved you because of and in spite of all of of it- all of those feelings have left. There's sadness there.
And it's ok to admit that. It's ok both to feel that sense of wonder at what the future will bring, to open your breath and exhale, to become light-headed at all of the possibilities that freedom brings. It's also ok to admit that the loss of this relationship, the loss of this marriage, the loss of the hope you once held for that person is painful, physically even, in your chest and in your soul. It's ok to feel all of these things, and none of them. All together or one at a time. It's all ok. Because it's all true and it's all yours and it's your life. To take it today and strive for tomorrow. To make due with what you have and to make it better the next day.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Stuck
I'm stuck. It's not that things are bad, they're not. I'm just stuck. And it's not just me. Talking to friends, it seems we're all at a loss as to how to get out of this sticky situation. We're stuck in the mud, we're mired in the past. We can't move forward, we can't let go, we can't get on with our lives. It feels unnatural. It feels like we're giving up, like the dreams we want to achieve are never going to happen. And yet, maybe this is all just part of the process.
Maybe we have to accept where we are and be ok with that. Maybe we need to look at ourselves and look at our lives and decide that wherever we are now is just fine. That's not to say we should be complacent and that's not to say we should accept mediocrity and that's not to say we should give up on our dreams. But wishing things were different- wishing we had a different job or had a different relationship or had children or had a new house- doesn't mean that where we are now should make us unhappy. Somehow we think that we are not ok- that we are too fat or too flaky or too loud- and that if we change those things, happiness will come. But happiness may come or not no matter what we look like or act like. Happiness may come when we least expect it.
So maybe the thing to do is to be ok with being stuck. To love ourselves even if we are not perfect. To be ok in our own skin even if we wish that skin were 5 or 50 lbs lighter. To appreciate our flakiness and indecision for what it is, for what it makes us, for how it defines us and separates us from others. To laugh at our silly, sometimes obnoxious, behavior, to embrace how it allows us to live in the present and be fully present. To understand that as stuck as we are the world continues to move forward and we with it.
We may feel stuck and we may feel uncomfortable and we may wish things were different and that we were different and that the situation was different. But acceptance that we are stuck means acknowledging our starting point, means telling ourselves that if we are ok with where we are - even if it is not where we want to be- we are at the beginning. We can stay stuck for a while, we can wallow and we can cover ourselves with our despair and we can sink all the way in to the top of our heads. And then, when the time is right, we will have had enough. And we will wash ourselves off, and we will look at who we are and where we are, and we will embrace it and we will move.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Maybe we have to accept where we are and be ok with that. Maybe we need to look at ourselves and look at our lives and decide that wherever we are now is just fine. That's not to say we should be complacent and that's not to say we should accept mediocrity and that's not to say we should give up on our dreams. But wishing things were different- wishing we had a different job or had a different relationship or had children or had a new house- doesn't mean that where we are now should make us unhappy. Somehow we think that we are not ok- that we are too fat or too flaky or too loud- and that if we change those things, happiness will come. But happiness may come or not no matter what we look like or act like. Happiness may come when we least expect it.
So maybe the thing to do is to be ok with being stuck. To love ourselves even if we are not perfect. To be ok in our own skin even if we wish that skin were 5 or 50 lbs lighter. To appreciate our flakiness and indecision for what it is, for what it makes us, for how it defines us and separates us from others. To laugh at our silly, sometimes obnoxious, behavior, to embrace how it allows us to live in the present and be fully present. To understand that as stuck as we are the world continues to move forward and we with it.
We may feel stuck and we may feel uncomfortable and we may wish things were different and that we were different and that the situation was different. But acceptance that we are stuck means acknowledging our starting point, means telling ourselves that if we are ok with where we are - even if it is not where we want to be- we are at the beginning. We can stay stuck for a while, we can wallow and we can cover ourselves with our despair and we can sink all the way in to the top of our heads. And then, when the time is right, we will have had enough. And we will wash ourselves off, and we will look at who we are and where we are, and we will embrace it and we will move.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I wish you well
Regina Brett in her book "God Never Blinks" says "If you have resentment you want to be free of, pray for the person you resent and you will be free." Seems counter-intuitive and yet, it's true. When we ask for only good things to come to those we dislike or feel ill-will towards, we are set free. It's when we keep feeling those negative feelings that we remain tethered to the other person. Resentment is like a boomerang, the feelings you send out to the other person are re-sent back to you. Directly.
Wishing well for someone who has wronged you or hurt you or left you is not easy but the results are amazing. There are times when I have to close my eyes and breathe and hope for the ability to just get through the moment without breaking down; it's those times when wishing the other person well seems too monumental a task to even begin. And yet, even if I don't feel it in that moment, I will say to myself "I wish him well." Just those 4 simple words "I wish him well."
There is a voice inside that seems to rebel against that- that doesn't want to let go of the anger, that doesn't want to be kind or gentle. That voice is a voice of protection. That voice represents a part of me that wants to ensure that I don't get hurt again and that wants to put up defenses and that wants to fight and remain hard and steadfast. The irony is that the best defense against that sadness and anger is peace, not more anger.
Wishing someone else well frees your connection to that person. You wish them well so that they can leave your heart and your soul and go on their own path without you needing to follow. You wish them well so that you can take all of the energy you are spending on that person and use it instead to push yourself forward. You wish them well so that you can concentrate on your own life and your own dreams and you are no longer concerned or consumed by what's going on in someone else's life. You wish them well so that you can release them and release yourself and charge out into your future on your terms. You wish them well and you are free.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Wishing well for someone who has wronged you or hurt you or left you is not easy but the results are amazing. There are times when I have to close my eyes and breathe and hope for the ability to just get through the moment without breaking down; it's those times when wishing the other person well seems too monumental a task to even begin. And yet, even if I don't feel it in that moment, I will say to myself "I wish him well." Just those 4 simple words "I wish him well."
There is a voice inside that seems to rebel against that- that doesn't want to let go of the anger, that doesn't want to be kind or gentle. That voice is a voice of protection. That voice represents a part of me that wants to ensure that I don't get hurt again and that wants to put up defenses and that wants to fight and remain hard and steadfast. The irony is that the best defense against that sadness and anger is peace, not more anger.
Wishing someone else well frees your connection to that person. You wish them well so that they can leave your heart and your soul and go on their own path without you needing to follow. You wish them well so that you can take all of the energy you are spending on that person and use it instead to push yourself forward. You wish them well so that you can concentrate on your own life and your own dreams and you are no longer concerned or consumed by what's going on in someone else's life. You wish them well so that you can release them and release yourself and charge out into your future on your terms. You wish them well and you are free.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Time for me to fly
I've decided today to try to let go of the past- to let go of resentment, to let go of trying to right past wrongs. It's hard to do but staying mired in the past gets us nowhere but stuck. Even though some things will never change and some things will never be made right and some hurt just can't be repaired, even though all of this may be true, it doesn't do us any good to fixate on it.
Thinking about our past has us constantly looking backward at what was and where we were. Looking at the past doesn't allow us to look at what is happening now and what we want to happen in the future. One of the best ways to get over past wrongs is to look to the future to see how we want our lives to look and then look in our present to see how we can get there from here. The pain of the past is lifted when we turn our eyes upward and outward and forward. The hurt that we feel in our heart and our soul is warmed by the feelings of what is yet to come, all the good we have waiting for us, all that we can see down the road.
Acknowledging the past for what it was, for bringing us to this place, for making us who we are, allows us to see ourselves firmly planted in the present, at what is, at what our lives have become. When we look to the future at what's possible, when we look to our present and see the opportunities we have, we are filled with hope and not dread, we are filled with contentment and not anger, we are filled with life and love and joy and not pain. We should let go of the past, as best we can today, by filling our hearts with the possibility that the future holds. We should shout from the rooftops that today we will fly, today we will soar, today we will take a look and take a leap and take a hold of our own peace.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Thinking about our past has us constantly looking backward at what was and where we were. Looking at the past doesn't allow us to look at what is happening now and what we want to happen in the future. One of the best ways to get over past wrongs is to look to the future to see how we want our lives to look and then look in our present to see how we can get there from here. The pain of the past is lifted when we turn our eyes upward and outward and forward. The hurt that we feel in our heart and our soul is warmed by the feelings of what is yet to come, all the good we have waiting for us, all that we can see down the road.
Acknowledging the past for what it was, for bringing us to this place, for making us who we are, allows us to see ourselves firmly planted in the present, at what is, at what our lives have become. When we look to the future at what's possible, when we look to our present and see the opportunities we have, we are filled with hope and not dread, we are filled with contentment and not anger, we are filled with life and love and joy and not pain. We should let go of the past, as best we can today, by filling our hearts with the possibility that the future holds. We should shout from the rooftops that today we will fly, today we will soar, today we will take a look and take a leap and take a hold of our own peace.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Goodbye to you
"Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything that I knew." I was listening to that song by Michelle Branch and it hit home for me. It can be really hard being a single parent, sharing custody of your children with an ex - a person you no longer know as you used to. A person you may no longer be friends with. A person whom you may not recognize at all as the person you once knew and fell in love with.
Getting over lost love is difficult; getting over lost love when you still have to have contact with the person can be like re-opening a wound over and over and over again. Just when you think you are healed, you have to see them again, engage with them again, argue again, be reminded of your past hurt again.
Or do you? When I was listening to that song, I finally heard, really heard, the line "Goodbye to everything that I knew." Because that's what happens when we break-up with someone we loved- we say goodbye to what we knew. We say goodbye to what we believed was true, but is no longer. We say goodbye to the reality that was but doesn't exist anymore.
For me, finally appreciating that all that I had, all that I lived when I was married and all that I loved when I first fell in love, was no longer true was a relief. Everything that I believed, everything I felt, all of the assumptions I made about what my life was- who loved me and how he loved me and why he loved me and why we were married and why we laughed together and supported each other- all of those wonderful things that I thought were my life, no longer exist. It's all in the past. He is no longer that person to me and I am not to him. I can let that go. I can say goodbye to that reality and embrace what exists today. I can release what I felt and believed and loved and hated and appreciated and missed and I can trade it all for the fullness of my life today; a life where he is on the periphery only. My life is of my own doing now. My life is for me and about me to live and love and dance and scream and cry and sing. And I can let go of the past because it is no longer. But I still am.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Getting over lost love is difficult; getting over lost love when you still have to have contact with the person can be like re-opening a wound over and over and over again. Just when you think you are healed, you have to see them again, engage with them again, argue again, be reminded of your past hurt again.
Or do you? When I was listening to that song, I finally heard, really heard, the line "Goodbye to everything that I knew." Because that's what happens when we break-up with someone we loved- we say goodbye to what we knew. We say goodbye to what we believed was true, but is no longer. We say goodbye to the reality that was but doesn't exist anymore.
For me, finally appreciating that all that I had, all that I lived when I was married and all that I loved when I first fell in love, was no longer true was a relief. Everything that I believed, everything I felt, all of the assumptions I made about what my life was- who loved me and how he loved me and why he loved me and why we were married and why we laughed together and supported each other- all of those wonderful things that I thought were my life, no longer exist. It's all in the past. He is no longer that person to me and I am not to him. I can let that go. I can say goodbye to that reality and embrace what exists today. I can release what I felt and believed and loved and hated and appreciated and missed and I can trade it all for the fullness of my life today; a life where he is on the periphery only. My life is of my own doing now. My life is for me and about me to live and love and dance and scream and cry and sing. And I can let go of the past because it is no longer. But I still am.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)