Getting divorced is easy??

I'm always shocked when I hear a person say that "we" make getting divorced too easy. That person is obviously neither divorced nor have they had someone close to them go through a divorce. I will say, however, that at first blush it can look like getting divorced is easy: let's divide everything up, get a lawyer and go our separate ways. Unfortunately, dividing everything up can be the easy part- it's the aftermath that's difficult.

Leaving aside any of the financial ramifications of divorce which can be extremely difficult, the emotional part of divorce is something that takes people by surprise, no matter how bitter the feelings between the two were before the split. Anyone who has been through a breakup of a non-marital relationship knows how hard it is to sever ties with the other person. You are used to having someone there, having someone to lean on, to talk to, to share your life with; breaking up means that all of that activity stops - and that is hard to get used to. Now take that break-up and multiply it by 10 (if you don't have kids) and 100 if you do have kids. It's the "breaking up" part of divorce that's hard. It's the learning to live on your own, making all decisions on your own, not having someone to share the trials and tribulations of work or family or friends that is strange and new. It's the realization as you reach for the phone that the person you are used to calling on a daily/hourly basis is no longer your go-to person.

You may think laying out how difficult divorce can be is a funny thing coming from a divorce attorney. Let me be clear, I'm not saying you should stay in a bad marriage. In fact, I'm the biggest advocate of "live your best life" (thank you, Oprah) and do whatever you can in this life to make you happy. If that means getting out of a bad marriage- go for it; get your friends together to support you, get a good attorney, and take that leap to do what is best for you. But I would be remiss if I said the path is going to be easy. Is it worth it in the end? ABSOLUTELY. How many times have I said I would rather be lonely and single than lonely and married? How many times have I said my life is different, but much happier and fulfilled, not being in a marriage that wasn't working? Taking the easy way out or the path of least resistance is not always best. It's sometimes the struggle that makes the journey worth it. It's getting through the dark times that makes light at the end so much brighter. It's your life, so live it the best way you can.

Take care, Allison

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