Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

I was in the car the other day and heard the song "Closing Time" by Semisonic and one phrase in the song struck me: "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Could that be any more appropriate for someone facing or contemplating a divorce? It also seemed perfect for this time of year as we say goodbye to this year and look to the future and what next year will bring.

Yes, the end of a marriage can be tragically sad, but as I indicated in my previous blog, it can also be a time of great relief. When I was getting divorced I read a book by author Debbie Ford called "Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a catalyst for an extraordinary life". At the time, and to this day, I try to look at my divorce as the closing of one book of my life; and the beginning of an entirely new one. While my divorce was an extremely difficult and painful process to go through, I am happier being single than I was in an unhappy marriage. It makes me sad that my marriage didn't work out, but I'm also grateful to not have that constant feeling of tension, anger and fear knotted in my stomach that I felt every time I walked into my house when I was in a really unhappy and unhealthy marriage. Being lonely or scared or sad as a single, divorced mom is still so much better than being married and woefully unhappy. I would rather be lonely and single than lonely and married. And so, hearing that Semisonic song reminded me that while I had hope for a great future with my husband, when that didn't work out and that beginning ended, I can still look to the future to see what's in store for me next.

I wish you all a great and prosperous new year with all its possibilities in this book of your life.

Take care, Allison


Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

The best and worst of the holidays

During and after a divorce, the holidays can bring out the best and worst in people; especially when children are involved. On the good side, many times people are able to set aside their differences and be kind to the other parent during the holidays- ensuring that the children are able to spend quality time with both parents during this time of year. There have been occasions with my ex-husband where we have both attended holiday functions and have gotten along well (though at times it can be awkward). However, during the time I was separated and the first couple of holidays after the divorce, tensions between us were just too high and we were having a hard time even speaking, so being in the same room for the holidays was not an option. In that case, we decided to split the kids' winter breaks into 2 and we each were able to spend time with the kids on our own. Those were difficult holidays for all involved, but not forcing ourselves to be in the same room "for the sake of the children" was the best thing my ex and I could have done, since being in a room with parents who are not getting along is, I think, more stressful to the kids than spending time with each parent separately.



Whichever way you spend the holidays, do the best you can for yourself and your kids. Don't beat yourself up if you and your ex-spouse are not getting along- just realize that in most cases, thing will calm down over time, tensions will dissipate, and eventually the holidays will not be nearly as stressful as they are in the beginning of separation and divorce.



Take care, Allison



Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

New start for a New Year

At the end of the year, many people take stock of their lives- where they are financially, where they are emotionally, and they look to the future to see where they want to be this time next year. While divorce is never easy, I have found that most people, myself included, find that once you make that decision, and take a step to get out of a relationship that is not working, you feel an immense sense of relief. There is sadness to be sure- the loss of a marriage and of a relationship that you thought would exist "'til death to you part" is terribly sad. I also felt a little ashamed, and embarrassed (I don't want people to look at me differently because I'm divorced); but once I made the decision to get divorced and get out of a situation that wasn't making me happy, I also felt very empowered- I was taking back control of my life; taking control of my happiness; and taking control of my future. Taking that first step to getting divorced is filled with mixed emotions, but after the initial shock and sadness wear off you realize your future is now of your own making- it is your adventure and what a wild and amazing ride it can be!

Take care, Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

Modification of child support and/or alimony

In these difficult financial times, many are concerned about modification of child support and/or alimony/maintenance payments. While each case needs to be considered on its own, you should be aware that a substantial and continuing change in circumstances- from loss of a job or reduction of gross income- could result in payment of lower child support and/or alimony/maintenance payments. This is an important consideration, not just for the person making those payments, but also for the recipient since such a reduction obviously factors into that person's monthly budgeting. In my particular circumstance, my ex-husband and I try to work together so that we can both adequately address changes in income; however, if you cannot work with your ex, you may want to consider speaking with an attorney. For my practice, I do not charge people for the first consultation to discuss their particular circumstances.

Take care, Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

I think I might be getting divorced- what do I do now?

When I first had an inkling that things in my marriage were going poorly and that I might be headed for a divorce, I panicked. What do I do next? And I'm a lawyer, so you would think I should know, but at the time I did not practice family/divorce law. So I called a friend of mine who is a family law attorney. And that's my first piece of advice- if you think you are going to get divorced or separated, go see an attorney. Most of us do not charge for the first consultation. I actually have several clients who I talk to on more than one occasion to offer advice on what they should be doing or planning in case their marriage ends.

How do you find a good divorce/family law attorney? My best advice is through word of mouth. Talk to your friends- chances are they know an attorney, even if it's not a family law attorney, and that person can put you in touch with someone who specializes in family law. I encourage my potential clients to talk to more than one attorney, and to remember that it's not all about who charges what fee; it's really about being comfortable with your attorney, feeling like you can talk to them about questions, concerns, and problems- no matter how embarrassing. You may find that you connect with an attorney who does charge an exorbitant fee; you might feel like an attorney whose fees are at the top of the fee scale won't give you the personal attention you deserve- and should insist upon. Either way, find an attorney you like, you trust and who you think will give you the information and attention you deserve.

Take care,
Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

St. Louis divorce law: in the eyes of someone who's been there

As a divorce lawyer, one of the first things I tell my clients is that I've been there- I know what they are going through. I know the legal pitfalls and the emotional ones. I know that it's easy to tell someone they need to be calm and composed and it's difficult to accomplish that when you are in a difficult situation with an ex-spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse. My thought is that having a blog explaining these situations, might assist others as they go through this transition in their life.Wishing you all well-Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.