Relief

I like being a divorce attorney. I really do. Every day I get to help people through a really challenging part of their lives. Every day I get to see people who seem to be hobbled by what life is bringing them and I get to help them back onto their feet. I get to take people who have had enough, who can't take it anymore, who will no longer settle for mediocrity or less than mediocrity in their relationships, take their lives in their hands and step out of their comfort zone and get ready to face the world again.

It can be a relief to acknowledge that the relationship is over. It can be a relief to tell the other person that it's time to move on, it's time to call the game, it's time to divorce. It's a feeling of freedom, it's a weight lifted off your shoulders, it's an acceptance of what is. And yet, with that relief, that sense of giddiness and hope for the future, is also a sense of sadness.

It's one of the paradoxes of my job that getting divorced is both happy and sad- usually equally. It's a wonderful feeling to have a sense of a new lease on life when you feel that you have been brought down by a relationship that was supposed to lift you up. But there's that sense of angst that a love once had, once held with such promise, once cherished so much that you took a vow before God, once felt with conviction and compassion, once held with both hands tightly, arms wrapped around each other, hoping that embrace would never end- all of that is gone. That sense of wanting no one else but the person who stood before you, that sense of knowing that someone understood you, saw you for who you are and loved you because of and in spite of all of of it- all of those feelings have left. There's sadness there.

And it's ok to admit that. It's ok both to feel that sense of wonder at what the future will bring, to open your breath and exhale, to become light-headed at all of the possibilities that freedom brings. It's also ok to admit that the loss of this relationship, the loss of this marriage, the loss of the hope you once held for that person is painful, physically even, in your chest and in your soul. It's ok to feel all of these things, and none of them. All together or one at a time. It's all ok. Because it's all true and it's all yours and it's your life. To take it today and strive for tomorrow. To make due with what you have and to make it better the next day.


Take care, Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

Stuck

I'm stuck. It's not that things are bad, they're not. I'm just stuck. And it's not just me. Talking to friends, it seems we're all at a loss as to how to get out of this sticky situation. We're stuck in the mud, we're mired in the past. We can't move forward, we can't let go, we can't get on with our lives. It feels unnatural. It feels like we're giving up, like the dreams we want to achieve are never going to happen. And yet, maybe this is all just part of the process.

Maybe we have to accept where we are and be ok with that. Maybe we need to look at ourselves and look at our lives and decide that wherever we are now is just fine. That's not to say we should be complacent and that's not to say we should accept mediocrity and that's not to say we should give up on our dreams. But wishing things were different- wishing we had a different job or had a different relationship or had children or had a new house- doesn't mean that where we are now should make us unhappy. Somehow we think that we are not ok- that we are too fat or too flaky or too loud- and that if we change those things, happiness will come. But happiness may come or not no matter what we look like or act like. Happiness may come when we least expect it.

So maybe the thing to do is to be ok with being stuck. To love ourselves even if we are not perfect. To be ok in our own skin even if we wish that skin were 5 or 50 lbs lighter. To appreciate our flakiness and indecision for what it is, for what it makes us, for how it defines us and separates us from others. To laugh at our silly, sometimes obnoxious, behavior, to embrace how it allows us to live in the present and be fully present. To understand that as stuck as we are the world continues to move forward and we with it.

We may feel stuck and we may feel uncomfortable and we may wish things were different and that we were different and that the situation was different. But acceptance that we are stuck means acknowledging our starting point, means telling ourselves that if we are ok with where we are - even if it is not where we want to be- we are at the beginning. We can stay stuck for a while, we can wallow and we can cover ourselves with our despair and we can sink all the way in to the top of our heads. And then, when the time is right, we will have had enough. And we will wash ourselves off, and we will look at who we are and where we are, and we will embrace it and we will move.


Take care, Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.