Many couples want to get divorced but are having a difficult time figuring out what to do with the marital home. Here is an interesting article on these economic times and strategies for what to do with the house when you want to get divorced.
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/HomeFinancing/a-recession-divorce-no-one-wants-the-house.aspx
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
To divorce or not to divorce
I was talking to a good friend the other day about giving people advice regarding whether they should stay together or get divorced. She, as a therapist (and a damn good one at that), and I, as a divorced mom (you thought I was going to say because I am a divorce attorney, didn't you) both realized that we can be biased when it comes to giving advice about whether people should stay together or get divorced.
She was saying that she thinks many couples go through rough patches and too many people are quick on the draw to get divorced. I told her that once people find out that divorce as not as easy as they think, they usually take a good hard second look at their marriage. I often tell people that they really need to decide if getting divorced is the right thing for them, or if they should just consult a good therapist.
One of my jobs is to tell people what their reality may look like after divorce. It can be very eye-opening. Generally speaking, there is just no way to keep the exact same lifestyle that you had when you were married after you get divorced. (This excludes the very wealthy or people with significant assets). Once people get a dose of their post-divorce reality, they sometimes realize that staying married is the better option. I try to counsel them that their best option is whatever will be best for their family, but that if they are truly unhappy being married, getting divorced and starting over can be just what the doctor ordered.
Either way, when you are going through a difficult time and ask advice of others, you should be aware of what people's biases may be. You may not realize that the person you are talking to has an agenda of their own. Remember, all of us are shaped by the circumstances we go through in life and only you know, deep in your gut, what the right thing is. Be happy. Do the best you can for right now. It will all work out how it's supposed to.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
She was saying that she thinks many couples go through rough patches and too many people are quick on the draw to get divorced. I told her that once people find out that divorce as not as easy as they think, they usually take a good hard second look at their marriage. I often tell people that they really need to decide if getting divorced is the right thing for them, or if they should just consult a good therapist.
One of my jobs is to tell people what their reality may look like after divorce. It can be very eye-opening. Generally speaking, there is just no way to keep the exact same lifestyle that you had when you were married after you get divorced. (This excludes the very wealthy or people with significant assets). Once people get a dose of their post-divorce reality, they sometimes realize that staying married is the better option. I try to counsel them that their best option is whatever will be best for their family, but that if they are truly unhappy being married, getting divorced and starting over can be just what the doctor ordered.
Either way, when you are going through a difficult time and ask advice of others, you should be aware of what people's biases may be. You may not realize that the person you are talking to has an agenda of their own. Remember, all of us are shaped by the circumstances we go through in life and only you know, deep in your gut, what the right thing is. Be happy. Do the best you can for right now. It will all work out how it's supposed to.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Reading list for kids
I have been asked by several people to recommend books for children whose parents are separating and/or going through a divorce. A great resource here in St. Louis is Kids in the Middle; here is a link to their recommended book list for children:
http://www.kidsinthemiddle.org/books.htm
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
http://www.kidsinthemiddle.org/books.htm
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Made it through the holidays... now what?
If you made it through the holidays relatively unscathed (emotionally and physically) give yourself a HUGE pat on the back... and breathe. The holidays (from Thanksgiving until Jan. 2nd) are usually the most stressful time during the year to be either a) unhappily married or b) divorced. If you are unhappily married, you may have made a commitment to make this year the year you change your situation. You may have decided to go to marriage counseling, or you may have decided to see an attorney. Since I'm not a licensed counselor, let me address the second option. One of the first things I tell people when they make an appointment to see me is that seeing a divorce attorney does not mean you are getting divorced. It does mean that you are getting information to let you make the best decision possible for you and your family.
People are always surprised by the amount of paperwork and information needed to file for divorce. Seeing a divorce attorney is really just a meeting to figure out: a) whether you can afford to get divorced, b) what are the possible custody arrangements for your kids, c) what information do you need to gather to get this show on the road, d) what steps should you start taking protect yourself as best you can if you do get divorced, e) do you need to hire an attorney and if so, is this the person you want to hire, and f) what will your future look like post-divorce. These are all questions you should ask yourself and the attorney during that first meeting and many attorneys don't charge you for that first meeting. (Make sure to ask if there is a cost for that meeting before you make the appointment!!)
Going to that initial meeting, listening to the advice the attorney has to give, and understanding what is involved in going through a divorce, can be very helpful to you in planning your future. After many of these initial meetings, I have had clients tell me how relieved they are to know what they need to do and what their options are. The options are usually a lot less scary than you imagine; in this case, the old adage about fear of the unknown being the great fear holds true. So arm yourself with information; it doesn't mean the end of your marriage, but it can mean the end to a great deal of worry.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
People are always surprised by the amount of paperwork and information needed to file for divorce. Seeing a divorce attorney is really just a meeting to figure out: a) whether you can afford to get divorced, b) what are the possible custody arrangements for your kids, c) what information do you need to gather to get this show on the road, d) what steps should you start taking protect yourself as best you can if you do get divorced, e) do you need to hire an attorney and if so, is this the person you want to hire, and f) what will your future look like post-divorce. These are all questions you should ask yourself and the attorney during that first meeting and many attorneys don't charge you for that first meeting. (Make sure to ask if there is a cost for that meeting before you make the appointment!!)
Going to that initial meeting, listening to the advice the attorney has to give, and understanding what is involved in going through a divorce, can be very helpful to you in planning your future. After many of these initial meetings, I have had clients tell me how relieved they are to know what they need to do and what their options are. The options are usually a lot less scary than you imagine; in this case, the old adage about fear of the unknown being the great fear holds true. So arm yourself with information; it doesn't mean the end of your marriage, but it can mean the end to a great deal of worry.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
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