To divorce or not to divorce

I was talking to a good friend the other day about giving people advice regarding whether they should stay together or get divorced. She, as a therapist (and a damn good one at that), and I, as a divorced mom (you thought I was going to say because I am a divorce attorney, didn't you) both realized that we can be biased when it comes to giving advice about whether people should stay together or get divorced.

She was saying that she thinks many couples go through rough patches and too many people are quick on the draw to get divorced. I told her that once people find out that divorce as not as easy as they think, they usually take a good hard second look at their marriage. I often tell people that they really need to decide if getting divorced is the right thing for them, or if they should just consult a good therapist.

One of my jobs is to tell people what their reality may look like after divorce. It can be very eye-opening. Generally speaking, there is just no way to keep the exact same lifestyle that you had when you were married after you get divorced. (This excludes the very wealthy or people with significant assets). Once people get a dose of their post-divorce reality, they sometimes realize that staying married is the better option. I try to counsel them that their best option is whatever will be best for their family, but that if they are truly unhappy being married, getting divorced and starting over can be just what the doctor ordered.

Either way, when you are going through a difficult time and ask advice of others, you should be aware of what people's biases may be. You may not realize that the person you are talking to has an agenda of their own. Remember, all of us are shaped by the circumstances we go through in life and only you know, deep in your gut, what the right thing is. Be happy. Do the best you can for right now. It will all work out how it's supposed to.

Take care, Allison

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