Sunday, September 6, 2009
New study on single vs. married parents effect on kids- stability is key
New study finds stability and happy household are major factors in children's success rather than marriage http://health.msn.com/kids-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100244659>1=31036
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Settlement meeting: what it is, what it isn't
People always ask me how long their divorce will take to be finished. The answer is: I have no idea. As an attorney and divorced single mom myself, I understand that you want to get the divorce over with NOW and move on with your life. Unfortunately, because of the court dockets and (sometimes) opposing counsel, these matters don't move as quickly as many would like. One way to make things go a lot quicker, however, is to have a settlement meeting. This has also been called a "cooperative divorce."
What I call a "settlement meeting" is when both sides sit down with their attorneys and try to hash out all of the details of the divorce. This is an attempt to get the divorce done quickly, maintain relationships on all sides and come to an amicable and reasonable agreement that both parties may not love, but can live with. The upsides? You can get your divorce done NOW, your attorneys' fees will be significantly decreased, and you and your ex probably won't hate each other when it's all over. The downside: typically in order to maintain relationships there is a price to pay- usually in the form of money if it's a maintenance case. For example, a friend of mine had an interest in her husband's business. If we were going to do a full valuation of the family business it would have cost her a significant amount of money and we would have to drag many people from the company and family into depositions causing a lot of anger from the family. There were children involved and she wanted to make sure that she preserved the relationships with her soon-to-be-ex in-laws because they would be attending a lot of family events together for the children. As a result, she gave up some of what she could have gotten from a full-scale valuation but in return she has allowed her children the ability to have the entire family get together without a tremendous amount of hostility and anger.
What's the trick to this? Well, you have to have a spirit of cooperation on all sides; that includes the parties AND their attorneys. Typically it all comes down to the attorneys' ability to get along, to work with each other toward a mutually beneficial solution, and to explain to their clients why the settlement is or is not in their best interests- taking into account not just money but the children, relationships and the future. If you are interested in coming to a cooperative solution, choose your attorney well. Everyone wants something different from their attorney. Make sure you are on the same page communicating your goals: what you can live with, what you can't live without- and trust your instincts. You should like your attorney. You should think your attorney has your best interests at heart. I think family law attorneys are 1/2 lawyer and 1/2 counselor. If you don't feel comfortable telling your attorney the whole truth about your situation (the good, the bad and the ugly as I like to say), move on to another attorney until you find the right match.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
What I call a "settlement meeting" is when both sides sit down with their attorneys and try to hash out all of the details of the divorce. This is an attempt to get the divorce done quickly, maintain relationships on all sides and come to an amicable and reasonable agreement that both parties may not love, but can live with. The upsides? You can get your divorce done NOW, your attorneys' fees will be significantly decreased, and you and your ex probably won't hate each other when it's all over. The downside: typically in order to maintain relationships there is a price to pay- usually in the form of money if it's a maintenance case. For example, a friend of mine had an interest in her husband's business. If we were going to do a full valuation of the family business it would have cost her a significant amount of money and we would have to drag many people from the company and family into depositions causing a lot of anger from the family. There were children involved and she wanted to make sure that she preserved the relationships with her soon-to-be-ex in-laws because they would be attending a lot of family events together for the children. As a result, she gave up some of what she could have gotten from a full-scale valuation but in return she has allowed her children the ability to have the entire family get together without a tremendous amount of hostility and anger.
What's the trick to this? Well, you have to have a spirit of cooperation on all sides; that includes the parties AND their attorneys. Typically it all comes down to the attorneys' ability to get along, to work with each other toward a mutually beneficial solution, and to explain to their clients why the settlement is or is not in their best interests- taking into account not just money but the children, relationships and the future. If you are interested in coming to a cooperative solution, choose your attorney well. Everyone wants something different from their attorney. Make sure you are on the same page communicating your goals: what you can live with, what you can't live without- and trust your instincts. You should like your attorney. You should think your attorney has your best interests at heart. I think family law attorneys are 1/2 lawyer and 1/2 counselor. If you don't feel comfortable telling your attorney the whole truth about your situation (the good, the bad and the ugly as I like to say), move on to another attorney until you find the right match.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
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