The best and worst of the holidays

During and after a divorce, the holidays can bring out the best and worst in people; especially when children are involved. On the good side, many times people are able to set aside their differences and be kind to the other parent during the holidays- ensuring that the children are able to spend quality time with both parents during this time of year. There have been occasions with my ex-husband where we have both attended holiday functions and have gotten along well (though at times it can be awkward). However, during the time I was separated and the first couple of holidays after the divorce, tensions between us were just too high and we were having a hard time even speaking, so being in the same room for the holidays was not an option. In that case, we decided to split the kids' winter breaks into 2 and we each were able to spend time with the kids on our own. Those were difficult holidays for all involved, but not forcing ourselves to be in the same room "for the sake of the children" was the best thing my ex and I could have done, since being in a room with parents who are not getting along is, I think, more stressful to the kids than spending time with each parent separately.



Whichever way you spend the holidays, do the best you can for yourself and your kids. Don't beat yourself up if you and your ex-spouse are not getting along- just realize that in most cases, thing will calm down over time, tensions will dissipate, and eventually the holidays will not be nearly as stressful as they are in the beginning of separation and divorce.



Take care, Allison



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