Divorce vs. breaking up

People who are going through a divorce come to the realization at some point that getting divorced and breaking up with your ex are two different things. There is a difference between ending your marriage, and ending your connection with someone. Some people "break up" before they get divorced or even separate. Some people go years after a divorce before finally coming to the conclusion that their ex-spouse should no longer be a factor in decisions they make in their lives (notwithstanding those decisions involving the children that need both parents' input).

For example, I know a couple where the husband emotionally left the marriage more than a year before he actually moved out. When they got divorced, it was easier for him to "move on" because he had not been a real part of the marriage for quite some time. He had "broken up" with his wife even while they were actually still married. His wife was a different matter. Even after they were divorced, she and her ex-husband remained friendly, and because she had, for more than a decade, consulted with him before making decisions or called him when something funny/sad/interesting occurred, it took her much longer to break ties with her ex-husband and "break up" with him.

It is common in a divorce for one person to emotionally leave the marriage first. And for the person who is still in the marriage, it can be harder for them to "break up" with their ex-spouse. The shock of separating your lives from each other during the divorce takes its toll and the aftermath of your daily life not involving that other person is a difficult process to get through; but after all of that, after the silence settles in and you realize that you are on your own again, you also have the chance to take complete ownership of your life. When you finally "break up" with your ex, you realize that while you may be on your own again, your life becomes your adventure.

Take care, Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

Modification of child support and/or alimony

In these difficult financial times, many are concerned about modification of child support and/or alimony/maintenance payments. While each case needs to be considered on its own, you should be aware that a substantial and continuing change in circumstances- from loss of a job or reduction of gross income- could result in payment of lower child support and/or alimony/maintenance payments. This is an important consideration, not just for the person making those payments, but also for the recipient since such a reduction obviously factors into that person's monthly budgeting. In my particular circumstance, my ex-husband and I try to work together so that we can both adequately address changes in income; however, if you cannot work with your ex, you may want to consider speaking with an attorney. For my practice, I do not charge people for the first consultation to discuss their particular circumstances.

Take care, Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

I think I might be getting divorced- what do I do now?

When I first had an inkling that things in my marriage were going poorly and that I might be headed for a divorce, I panicked. What do I do next? And I'm a lawyer, so you would think I should know, but at the time I did not practice family/divorce law. So I called a friend of mine who is a family law attorney. And that's my first piece of advice- if you think you are going to get divorced or separated, go see an attorney. Most of us do not charge for the first consultation. I actually have several clients who I talk to on more than one occasion to offer advice on what they should be doing or planning in case their marriage ends.

How do you find a good divorce/family law attorney? My best advice is through word of mouth. Talk to your friends- chances are they know an attorney, even if it's not a family law attorney, and that person can put you in touch with someone who specializes in family law. I encourage my potential clients to talk to more than one attorney, and to remember that it's not all about who charges what fee; it's really about being comfortable with your attorney, feeling like you can talk to them about questions, concerns, and problems- no matter how embarrassing. You may find that you connect with an attorney who does charge an exorbitant fee; you might feel like an attorney whose fees are at the top of the fee scale won't give you the personal attention you deserve- and should insist upon. Either way, find an attorney you like, you trust and who you think will give you the information and attention you deserve.

Take care,
Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.