So I've heard it said that the only people who are happy in a divorce are the attorneys. As funny as that joke may be, being a divorce attorney myself I can tell you that I really enjoy my job. I think that people who are in an unhappy marriage deserve the chance to get out of that situation - to be happy- alone or with someone else. It's sometimes hard to see the silver lining, though, right after the divorce.
When people come to see me, I tell them that I'm sure things have been difficult, tense, impossible at home, and seeing an attorney is the first step out of a dark tunnel. Now that they have an attorney, it's my job to handle the legal part of it- to take that burden from them. While many are sad about being in my office, they are also usually relieved to have someone completely on their side, and to realize that they are not alone.
In every situation, though, there is always one spouse who is happier about getting divorced than the other. In my experience, that person can be either the husband or wife - it's not gender-specific. It is however, usually the person who has left the marriage first (emotionally or physically) who is happier to be going through a divorce. It's funny, though, when it's all over, when that divorce is signed by the judge and the custody, child support and property issues are resolved, no matter which spouse it is- there is a sense of finally putting the past behind you. It becomes clear that you can finally take control of your own life- decide what you want to do, who you want to be and take that step to getting there all on your own- and no matter who you are, there is always a sense of anticipation about what the future may hold.
Take care,
Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Showing posts with label st. louis divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label st. louis divorce. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
When is enough enough?
Going through a divorce can be painful enough but then when it's over, if you have children and the other parent has visitation, you are still faced with having to deal with your ex on issues such as scheduling, payment of children's expenses, etc. The truth is that even when you are divorced, when you have kids, your ex will always be a part of your life.
So what happens when that person is uncommunicative, doesn't tell you about children's' activities, doesn't include you in information from the school, and the list could go on. If you have joint legal custody- which is the normal order by the court if there are no extenuating circumstances, what I counsel my clients to do is to put everything in writing. Send an email to your ex stating:
"Dear X, I was made aware that Johnny has a baseball game next weekend during my visitation. In the future, while I'm happy to have Johnny engage in sports and other activities, if those activities fall on my day, please include me in deciding what activities he should participate in."
If that doesn't help, continue with your pleas to your ex to include you in decision-making until you have asked several times and been ignored. At that time, call an attorney. The first step I make is to send a letter to the other side's attorney asking them to abide by the court order and including my client in decision-making or face further legal action. This usually gets people's attention, and if it doesn't work, I file a Motion for Contempt or a Motion to Modify to assist my client in being allowed the full authority granted to them by the Court to participate in their children's lives.
As always, each situation is different and should be assessed by an attorney, but you are not alone in protecting your rights- both as a custodial parent and a non-custodial parent.
Take care,
Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
So what happens when that person is uncommunicative, doesn't tell you about children's' activities, doesn't include you in information from the school, and the list could go on. If you have joint legal custody- which is the normal order by the court if there are no extenuating circumstances, what I counsel my clients to do is to put everything in writing. Send an email to your ex stating:
"Dear X, I was made aware that Johnny has a baseball game next weekend during my visitation. In the future, while I'm happy to have Johnny engage in sports and other activities, if those activities fall on my day, please include me in deciding what activities he should participate in."
If that doesn't help, continue with your pleas to your ex to include you in decision-making until you have asked several times and been ignored. At that time, call an attorney. The first step I make is to send a letter to the other side's attorney asking them to abide by the court order and including my client in decision-making or face further legal action. This usually gets people's attention, and if it doesn't work, I file a Motion for Contempt or a Motion to Modify to assist my client in being allowed the full authority granted to them by the Court to participate in their children's lives.
As always, each situation is different and should be assessed by an attorney, but you are not alone in protecting your rights- both as a custodial parent and a non-custodial parent.
Take care,
Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Do I really need an attorney?
Many times, but especially in times of financial crisis, people question whether they need a lawyer to help them get legally separated or divorced. Quite honestly, whether you need an attorney to represent you is going to be determined by the facts of your particular circumstance. Very generally speaking, if you don't have many assets, you don't have children and you are going to support yourself and your spouse is going to support him/herself, then you may not need an attorney. What I would suggest however, in all circumstances, is that you at least speak to an attorney in confidence about your situation. Most attorneys, myself included, do not charge to speak with you for an initial consultation. When you speak with an attorney about your situation, 3 different things can happen- all of them will leave you with peace of mind at the end: 1) the attorney can confirm that you can do this on your own using the forms provided by the Court; 2) the attorney may suggest that s/he prepare the forms for you for a set price and then you can file them and appear in court "pro se" meaning that you will represent yourself; or 3) the attorney may describe that for reasons x, y and z, it's in your best interest to have the attorney represent you in court for all proceedings.
Whatever you do, remember that the more information you have, the better prepared you will be for your divorce, and for your future. I always say is it better to talk with an attorney before you file for divorce rather than having to consult with an attorney after to fix a mistake.
Take care,
Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.Monday, January 12, 2009
Divorce vs. breaking up
People who are going through a divorce come to the realization at some point that getting divorced and breaking up with your ex are two different things. There is a difference between ending your marriage, and ending your connection with someone. Some people "break up" before they get divorced or even separate. Some people go years after a divorce before finally coming to the conclusion that their ex-spouse should no longer be a factor in decisions they make in their lives (notwithstanding those decisions involving the children that need both parents' input).
For example, I know a couple where the husband emotionally left the marriage more than a year before he actually moved out. When they got divorced, it was easier for him to "move on" because he had not been a real part of the marriage for quite some time. He had "broken up" with his wife even while they were actually still married. His wife was a different matter. Even after they were divorced, she and her ex-husband remained friendly, and because she had, for more than a decade, consulted with him before making decisions or called him when something funny/sad/interesting occurred, it took her much longer to break ties with her ex-husband and "break up" with him.
It is common in a divorce for one person to emotionally leave the marriage first. And for the person who is still in the marriage, it can be harder for them to "break up" with their ex-spouse. The shock of separating your lives from each other during the divorce takes its toll and the aftermath of your daily life not involving that other person is a difficult process to get through; but after all of that, after the silence settles in and you realize that you are on your own again, you also have the chance to take complete ownership of your life. When you finally "break up" with your ex, you realize that while you may be on your own again, your life becomes your adventure.
For example, I know a couple where the husband emotionally left the marriage more than a year before he actually moved out. When they got divorced, it was easier for him to "move on" because he had not been a real part of the marriage for quite some time. He had "broken up" with his wife even while they were actually still married. His wife was a different matter. Even after they were divorced, she and her ex-husband remained friendly, and because she had, for more than a decade, consulted with him before making decisions or called him when something funny/sad/interesting occurred, it took her much longer to break ties with her ex-husband and "break up" with him.
It is common in a divorce for one person to emotionally leave the marriage first. And for the person who is still in the marriage, it can be harder for them to "break up" with their ex-spouse. The shock of separating your lives from each other during the divorce takes its toll and the aftermath of your daily life not involving that other person is a difficult process to get through; but after all of that, after the silence settles in and you realize that you are on your own again, you also have the chance to take complete ownership of your life. When you finally "break up" with your ex, you realize that while you may be on your own again, your life becomes your adventure.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
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