Who's happy about divorce?

So I've heard it said that the only people who are happy in a divorce are the attorneys. As funny as that joke may be, being a divorce attorney myself I can tell you that I really enjoy my job. I think that people who are in an unhappy marriage deserve the chance to get out of that situation - to be happy- alone or with someone else. It's sometimes hard to see the silver lining, though, right after the divorce.

When people come to see me, I tell them that I'm sure things have been difficult, tense, impossible at home, and seeing an attorney is the first step out of a dark tunnel. Now that they have an attorney, it's my job to handle the legal part of it- to take that burden from them. While many are sad about being in my office, they are also usually relieved to have someone completely on their side, and to realize that they are not alone.

In every situation, though, there is always one spouse who is happier about getting divorced than the other. In my experience, that person can be either the husband or wife - it's not gender-specific. It is however, usually the person who has left the marriage first (emotionally or physically) who is happier to be going through a divorce. It's funny, though, when it's all over, when that divorce is signed by the judge and the custody, child support and property issues are resolved, no matter which spouse it is- there is a sense of finally putting the past behind you. It becomes clear that you can finally take control of your own life- decide what you want to do, who you want to be and take that step to getting there all on your own- and no matter who you are, there is always a sense of anticipation about what the future may hold.

Take care,
Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

When is enough enough?

Going through a divorce can be painful enough but then when it's over, if you have children and the other parent has visitation, you are still faced with having to deal with your ex on issues such as scheduling, payment of children's expenses, etc. The truth is that even when you are divorced, when you have kids, your ex will always be a part of your life.

So what happens when that person is uncommunicative, doesn't tell you about children's' activities, doesn't include you in information from the school, and the list could go on. If you have joint legal custody- which is the normal order by the court if there are no extenuating circumstances, what I counsel my clients to do is to put everything in writing. Send an email to your ex stating:

"Dear X, I was made aware that Johnny has a baseball game next weekend during my visitation. In the future, while I'm happy to have Johnny engage in sports and other activities, if those activities fall on my day, please include me in deciding what activities he should participate in."

If that doesn't help, continue with your pleas to your ex to include you in decision-making until you have asked several times and been ignored. At that time, call an attorney. The first step I make is to send a letter to the other side's attorney asking them to abide by the court order and including my client in decision-making or face further legal action. This usually gets people's attention, and if it doesn't work, I file a Motion for Contempt or a Motion to Modify to assist my client in being allowed the full authority granted to them by the Court to participate in their children's lives.

As always, each situation is different and should be assessed by an attorney, but you are not alone in protecting your rights- both as a custodial parent and a non-custodial parent.

Take care,

Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.