Just keep swimming

Starting over. For some it's a relief. For others it's a disaster. Usually it's some combination of both. People who come talk to me about getting divorced are either relieved or devastated. But here's the funny thing: once the proceedings get moving, neither party remains fully relieved or fully devastated. The relieved party begins to fully understand the ramifications of their decision,and their relief is tinged with sadness, disappointment and, at times, regret. And the person who was devastated when they first walk in realizes through the process that they are going to be ok; their life may not turn out as they had imagined, but they will survive, they will get through this, and when it's over, they will be more successful and content than they had imagined.

See, divorce is not easy. It may seem like the easy way out, it may be the right thing for you and your family, but it's not a walk in the park. There are emotions tied to ending your marriage- there is not just sadness at your marriage failing and there is not just anger at this person for turning out to be someone completely different than you once thought, but there is also the practical consideration of dividing up belongings, taking what's yours, picking yourself up and moving on to a new chapter in your life.

But here's the thing to remember, your life will not be the same, but it will be ok. You may not stay married forever, but you will also not be miserable forever. You will laugh again, you will cry again, you will make new friends, you may get a new job or a new house or a new haircut or a new lease on life. You will realize that you are in control of your life and you are in control of your destiny and you get to make decisions for you and in your best interest and for your well-being. You will come out of this in one piece. I promise. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be easy but you will get there. As Dory from "Finding Nemo" said "Just keep swimming."


Take care, Allison

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