Who do you talk to?

One of things that is nice about being in a couple is that you have someone to talk to; someone to bounce ideas off of; someone to help when you are at your wit's end with your children. Yes it's true, my kids are not always angels. For the past 2 days, when I go to pick my eight year-old up from camp, her face goes from one of pure joy out on the field, to a scowl as she walks over to me. Why is this, you ask? What have I done to deserve such treatment? Last night my transgression was suggesting before camp started that (heaven forbid) we were going to need to stop by McDonald's for dinner since that was going to be a late day for us. "Fine" she spat out at me, as if I had asked her to pick every weed within a 2 mile radius. Oh what is a mother to do?

If I were married, I would call my husband and tell him how our daughter was acting, ask him if he had some advice, and ask him if he could take over the parenting for an hour, so that I could go and take a break from my eight year-old's tantrum-du-jour. Because I am a single parent, I don't have that luxury. I don't have someone to call to bemoan the tribulations of trying to raise 2 healthy, strong, happy and well-adjusted girls in today's society. I don't have the ability to call and cry about the latest "I hate you, Mom" screamed at me after I ask them to pick up their rooms. I don't have anyone to share those moments of joy when my eight year-old (fresh out of her post-McDonald's slump) looked at me and said "You know, you're a pretty good mom." There's no one there to share... or is there?

When I was going through my divorce, I called my friends frequently and for many different reasons. I had one friend who represented my anger, one who represented my relief at not living in a tension-filled house, one who worried with me about how I was going to handle my finances on my own, one who helped me look down the road at the happiness that (surely, hopefully) waited for me after the divorce. Those same friends are the ones I call on when I have a difficult day with my daughters; they are the same friends I call when I want to crow about my ability to actually make a healthy meal that my kids will eat; they are the ones I call when I wonder if the dating pool could really have gotten so much smaller since my college days. In short, because my family is scattered throughout the U.S., I've made my own family and support system out of my friends. I've adopted my friends as my pseudo-brothers and sisters, aunt and uncles. I've made these people a part of my life so that they are more than my friends and I'm grateful each day to have them.

It's sometimes sad to realize that you have no one at home to help you when you need a hand, but what I suggest is that you take a breath and open your eyes - you'll see that, while they may not live with you in your house, your support system is bigger than you think.

Take care, Allison

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