The Dating Game

One of my clients came to my office the other day to sign his settlement documents. It was a day filled with both anxiety and hope, sadness and relief. I was very happy for him- he was handling the end of his marriage fairly well and he and his very-soon-to-be-ex wife were getting along better than either of them expected. After he finished signing the paperwork, I gave him my words of warning to newly-divorced men. I thought I would share them with you as well.

For whatever reason, the majority of the time, after a divorce the ex-husband is the first to get a new girlfriend. I must tell you, that no matter how amicable the divorce, no matter how much the ex-wife will be relieved not to be married to her ex-husband anymore, she will most likely turn into a witch with a capital B when hearing about his new "love"/lust. Why is this, you may ask? Why does she care if he dates again? Because she does. Because it's not fair that men go first in the dating world post-divorce, because she wants to get on with her life too but (truth be told) it's hard out there. (See for example, every episode of Sex in the City, Girlfriends, every other show about single women, every self-help book on the shelf... you get my point.) Trust me, the old line about "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" meant ex-wives too.

So what is a newly-dating man to do? Be kind. Don't flaunt your new found happiness. Tread carefully. Be circumspect about bringing this person into your children's lives. I always tell my clients, male or female, to be careful about introducing your kids to your girlfriend/boyfriend too soon... kids get attached quickly and if it doesn't work out, they take break ups hard. Live your life and have a wonderful one at that, but don't rub your ex-spouse's nose in it. Oh, and most of all, pray that she will find someone new and wonderful... then she will stop caring whether you're dating one woman or three, 20 years older or 20 years younger.

Take care, Allison

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