In the wake of the unsurprising announcement that Jon and Kate Gosselin are divorcing, I anticipate many people asking me if they can do the "Jon and Kate" custody situation. Here are my thoughts.
There are many different custody situations that are available to divorcing couples. People always ask me what's a "typical" custody situation. In Missouri, the "standard" is for dad to have every Wednesday night and every other weekend (Friday night to Sunday evening). That "standard" is actually becoming less and less common. Fathers, it seems, are more involved in their children's lives. Fathers want, not just equal say legally, but equal time with their kids. So how to you accomplish this?
Well, there are usually 2 options. The first is that the week is split 4 nights/ 3 nights. For example, Dad has the kids Wednesday after school until Saturday at 5; Mom has the kids from Saturday at 5 until Wednesday when she drops the kids at school. The other option is that Mom has the kids Monday and Tuesday, Dad has the kids Wednesday and Thursday and they alternate ever other weekend.
The "Jon and Kate" solution of the kids living in the same house and Mom and Dad moving in and out is not very typical and, while it can work for some and may work well for the kids to stay in one place, it presents some very real and difficult issues. First of all, whose house is it? Is it "mom's house" or "dad's house"? Who buys the groceries? Who cleans the house? Who does the laundry? Mom and Dad couldn't live together before, what changes so that they can still share a house? The logistics of this situation are tricky. Because of this, I advise clients against the "sharing a house" custody agreement; that being said, it's not up to me to live my client's lives and it's not up to me to handle the benefits and pitfalls of their particular post-divorce reality, so it's really up to each individual couple to determine what's in the best interest of you, your now-ex-spouse, your kids. Don't worry about what people will think. Don't worry what your in-laws think, your best friend, your neighbor down the street. What works for your family works and that's all that matters.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
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1 comment:
I really enjoy reading your articles. I was googling how long of a driving distance from one city to another, and came across a site called Blurit, where people ask, and answer questions. There is a section under family, or family problems which you may be able to submit some insight. Like I said I like reading your articles, you may have another calling also in journalism!
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