It's not fair

I represent both men and women in divorce and the one refrain I hear often is "it's not fair." So here's the sad/scary truth about divorce: your two-income/ two-parent life is over when you divorce. For most people, after divorce you won't be able to live in the same house, drive the same car, belong to the same country clubs, have kids in private schools, and pay for 3 vacations a year just like you did when you were married. It's just not fiscally possible. You can't have the same expenses and reduce your income by one whole person; unless you always lived on just your income and saved the other income entirely (if you are, please call me so I can introduce you as "The One" to everyone in the world). It's just not possible to keep the exact same lifestyle on a substantially reduced income. Which leads people to tell me.... "it's not fair."

Let me tell you, that the "it's not fair" refrain is plead by both men and women. (Men in this case representing the higher-income-earners and women representing the stay-at-home mom or lower-income-earners. I apologize for the sexist generalities but it's generally still true, and hey, it's my blog). "Men" tell me that "it's not fair" that she gets (very generally speaking) about 40% of their income for maintenance; women tell me "it's not fair" that they only get 40% of his income. The truth: it's not fair to either. Because divorce isn't fair, it's just reality. Because if you want to stay married and unhappy, you can probably afford more than you can on your own. Because if you choose to stay married and unhappy, maybe you're buying all of things to make you feel better because... you're unhappily married? Maybe life can be simpler with fewer things. Yes, that's a hard one. But you know what, it may not be fair, but it's life. I've told many a client that the financial reality of divorce makes many people cringe and rethink whether they do, in fact, want to get divorced. I can't make that decision for you, but in my opinion, neither should your checkbook. Kids can move to a new house and start a new school.... and they will be ok. It's not the worst thing that can happen. Is it easy? No. But is it worth it for you to be happy? I think so.

Take care, Allison

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