Get divorced or stay together?

There have been a couple of articles recently stating that people are not getting divorced because they can't afford it. There are others that claim the divorce rate is higher because more financial pressure causes more marriages break up. (See http://www.businessandmedia.org/articles/2008/20080717104138.aspx for an example.)

Either way, the financial realities of divorce are almost always a surprise.
Frequently I'm in a position of having to explain to people what they will be looking at if they get divorced and the reality that they cannot afford to live on their own without 2 incomes makes many people decide to work on their marriage and stay together. In those cases I recommend they see a counselor to assist them.

Yet the question remains- is it better to get divorced or stay married? There are many opinions about this, but having gone through a divorce myself, and helping people get divorced on a daily basis, I often tell people that, while it was a difficult decision to decide to get divorced, I would rather be happy and single than unhappy in a bad marriage. There are still some, though, who are concerned with what people will think of them if they get divorced. I always sound like my mother when I tell people, "Do you really want to be friends with people who will judge you for getting divorced? Who will think less of you for trying to live your best life- divorced or single?"

Being a divorce attorney, a lot of people think I'm an advocate for divorce. I'm really not. I'm an advocate for happiness. If you will be happy staying married, getting some help from a marriage counselor, getting through a rough patch and moving forward with your spouse, then you should stay married. No question. If you are staying married "for the kids", "for the house", "for the neighbors" or for any reason that doesn't involve you being as happy as you can in this moment and for the foreseeable future, then I have one question: why? This is your life, no one will live it for you, no one's judgment matters but your own. Do what will make you happy. If that means getting divorced then go see an attorney- get the best one you can. Get the one who you can confide in and trust in. Get the one best for you.


Take care,
Allison

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.