When the family gets involved

For a lot of people, the decision to get divorced is an easy one... until they realize they have to tell their parents. Parental and/or grand parental involvement in a divorce is becoming more and more common, especially when minor children are involved. I remember when I was getting divorced, one of my close relatives told me that she had just seen on the "Today" show that children of divorce were more likely to do poorly in school and have behavioral issues. When did she pass on this sage advice? One month after my divorce was final and my children were 18 months and 4 1/2 years old. I explained to my (hopefully) well-meaning relative that: a) I questioned which group had commissioned this study and what their motives were and b) I didn't believe that the results of that study were actually true. From what I've gathered during my time as a divorce attorney and single mom, it's my belief that kids are better off when their parents are happy. (See article http://www.clasp.org/publications/marriage_brief3_annotated.pdf)

As an attorney, when someone comes into my office with their parent, I am both encouraged and concerned. The parent being there as a support for their child going through a very difficult emotional time is a benefit to that person going through divorce. There are times, however, when the parent wants to sit in on the meeting I have with their child. This concerns me not only because I cannot allow the third party to be there for confidentiality reasons, but my concern is also that that parent is unnecessarily involved in the divorce proceedings. I let my clients know that while I'm happy they have a support system, they also need to understand that their parents should act as that, merely a support, and not dictate the terms of the divorce. As an attorney, it is my job to ensure that my client makes the best decision they can for their own life - that that decision is not unduly influenced by anyone including their parents, soon-to-be-ex-spouse, friends or other family. Gong through a divorce is difficult and you need to have people "on your side" but in a divorce you should be making the best decision you can in consultation with your attorney and not live your life or get divorced based on what someone else believes is "fair" or "right".


Take care,
Allison

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