One of the things I've come to realize is that people are surprised that getting divorced doesn't solve all of their problems with their former spouse. Sure, they are no longer married to someone with whom they were unhappy; sure the knot in their stomach when they were driving home is gone- vaporized- once the marriage is over and the legalities are finished; sure they are happier and more hopeful about the future then they have been in a long time; but no, all of their problems do not disappear once the ink on the judge's signature is dry. There are financial and emotional repercussions to getting divorced that are sometimes not felt until years afterwards. There are other "quirks" that exist for many years- marriage or not. Little things like: he forgot to sign your son up for soccer; she didn't bring the cleats to the t-ball game; he doesn't have the right hair bows for the dance recital. Those little things can add up to big aggravations for divorced couples.
A friend of mine called the other day steaming mad that her ex-husband didn't write her email address legibly enough to allow her to get their daughter's dance recital emails. She brought her daughter to dance class last week and all of the other little girls were dressed in the recital outfits but her daughter was not. She asked the front desk when they were notified to send the girls in their recital outfits and she was told that they had sent out reminders via email over the past 3 weeks. She asked to see what email address they were using for her and, because her ex didn't write clearly enough, they were sending hers to the wrong account so she had never received any of their reminders. She was embarrassed that her daughter was not dressed properly, upset that she had to run home and get the right outfit to bring back to the dance studio, and mad that he had put her in this position. She called him immediately and let him have it. He apologized but that didn't make her any less angry. "I thought when I got divorced I wouldn't have to put up with his irresponsibility!" she cried to me. If only that were the case.
It's good to remember that when you have children with someone, even when you get divorced, you are still going to be in each other's lives to some extent. You can minimize contact, absolutely, but there are some things you are still going to have to deal with together. It's not easy. Old feelings and resentments and anxieties can come right back just as they existed when you were married. So what should you do? After you have calmed down (and hopefully you didn't yell too loud for too long) you should realize 1) people are human and they make mistakes and 2) even though this person can still push your buttons, they can't push them as often as they did when you were married so 3) be grateful for at least that small miracle. You can go home to YOUR house where you have YOUR things the way YOU like them and not have to worry that your ex is going to be there. You have your space. You don't have a knot in your stomach when you pull in your driveway. You can look around, think how glad you are that you have hope for the future, how grateful you are that you took steps to make your life the best it can be, and how happy you are to no longer be in a failing marriage. So take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back and look forward to a future of your own making.
Take care, Allison
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
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